Small Talk Read online

  Again, try to avoid the stall that is caused by not paying attention to cues. But if it happens, then it’s important to show that you are interested in the person and get them talking. Usually, this sort of stall happens when one person gets absorbed in their thoughts and starts what ends up being a monologue instead of a dialogue. This quickly gets boring for the other person.

  So, the easiest way to end that sort of stall is to ask the other person a question about themselves or what they think of something. Everyone generally likes to talk about themselves or share their opinion, so it is sometimes an easy save for a real conversational faux pas.

  Conversation partner gets glazed eyes

  Problem

  The other person’s eyes have glazed over because their brain has gone into conversational overload.

  Possible causes

  You are talking too much about yourself or you are talking too much about something the other person isn’t interested in.

  You are talking too much about something the other person doesn’t understand.

  You are talking too much without letting the other person get a word in edgewise.

  Solution

  These ones are easy. Ask them something about themselves and stop talking about yourself and your interests. You want to avoid being a conversational narcissist.

  If the person showed interest in the topic at first, but then their eyes glazed over after a while, it could be for a few different reasons.

  A. You’re giving them too much information for a layperson who’s unfamiliar with the subject.

  B. You’re possibly using jargon that they don’t understand because they don’t work or study in that field.

  C. Or maybe they don’t have the educational background to understand the concepts you’re discussing.

  In all cases above, just change the subject back to a more ordinary, less specialized, subject of conversation. Then learn from your mistake and give people less detailed explanations that give them a general overview but don’t get too bogged down with concepts they may not understand. Making your conversational partner feel stupid is small talk suicide. Avoid doing this at all costs. If it means not talking about your specialization in quantum physics or your model trains, then so be it.

  3. If you’re talking too much in general, you’re in danger of becoming a Conversational Black Hole and that’s very bad. Stop talking. Listen instead. Become aware of your senses and pay attention to the other person. Give the conversation some space to breathe. Let the other person share with you. You might just learn something new or make a new friend.

  Conversation won’t end

  Problem

  It’s not a problem because you don’t want to stop talking to this person. They’re the most interesting conversationalist you’ve ever met.

  Neither of you knows how to end a conversation.

  You have been sucked into a Conversational Black Hole.

  Possible causes

  You’ve met someone fabulous. Great!

  The conversation sometimes doesn’t end because neither person can think of a way to end it.

  Solution

  No solution. Keep talking. Maybe you’ll make a new friend.

  This isn’t good. You’re stuck on the conversation-go-round. If you’re both ready for it to be over, then someone needs to make the first move and respectfully end the conversation. But maybe you can’t think of any real reason to end it. If this is the case, then you can always say that you need to go to the restroom.

  Then make sure that you really do go there. Never make something up because that’s also small talk suicide and a really lame move. If you tell someone that you have to use the restroom and then you just go over to the bar when you leave them, that will be the worst thing ever. Just don’t be a jerk and be honest and you’ll be fine. If you need to go to the restroom because you need a reason to end the conversation, then so be it. Go to the restroom. Wash your hands or whatever. Regroup. And go out and try again.

  Conversational Black Hole

  Problem

  You have been sucked into a Conversational Black Hole. Uh oh. This is the worst thing that can happen in a small talk situation.

  Possible causes

  In the case of a black hole, you usually haven’t done anything wrong in terms of social rules. It’s more bad luck than anything else. The other person is simply someone who can’t stop talking and once they have a captive audience, they just don’t want to let them go.

  Solution

  It’s important in this situation to remember to be respectful. This can be hard because you see everyone else having a better time than you and you really want to get out of the situation but there doesn’t seem to be any way to extricate yourself.

  First of all, give them a chance to talk but watch for any excuse to leave the conversation. Then, when you have given them as much time as you feel you can, use an authentic excuse to leave and respectfully do so. Use body language to indicate the conversation is over and past tense to show that you are done.

  “It was great talking to you,” you turn your body away from the person. “But I have to excuse myself. I really need to use the Ladies Room. It was good talking to you. Take care.”

  But what if they honestly barely stop for breath and you truly can’t get a word in edgewise. Conversational Black Holes like this really do exist and once you get into their gravitational pull it is very difficult to get out. In this case, you’ll have to actually interrupt them. Use body language to help show that you’re ending the conversation.

  Put your hand up, palm facing them — the sign for stop — and say, “I’m sorry, I’m going to have to interrupt you. I said I would help with setting up for the meeting and I really have to go. It was nice to meet you. See you.”

  Then turn and walk away decisively. Don’t give them any reason to begin talking again.

  Keep in mind that these people can’t help themselves and its best to be understanding but not a doormat. You can let them talk for a while but then you need to leave the situation. Treat them with kindness and respect, the way you would want to be treated. Often these people don’t have anyone who truly listens to them and that’s why they try to make others listen to them by never stopping talking. We can be sympathetic and understand these people without allowing them to monopolize all our time

  Conclusion

  To conclude, small talk is a skill that can be learned. You can learn it. It takes some practice but you will get it. Remember to have a positive mindset and to pay close attention to the person and listen. You need to really be interested in the speaker and give them your complete attention because that is what a small talk master does.

  But before you go out there and start chatting up a storm, bring your anxiety down to a manageable level using the breathing and 5 senses techniques. Make a good impression by practicing good hygiene, cleanliness, and make sure you dress appropriately for the situation.

  Keep in mind that you are always communicating something. Even if you don’t say a word. Use SOFTEN to remind yourself to use positive non-verbal behaviors to make yourself approachable.

  Then it’s show time and you’re on. You are making small talk with an interesting person. Bring out the ARE method to get the ball rolling. Then move on to FORD. If you feel that you’re making a good connection and your conversational partner is giving you cues they’d like to know you better, then you can deepen the conversation. But be sure that the other person is ready or else this can backfire.

  End a conversation with grace and dignity, always remembering to be respectful of the other person even if you didn’t exactly hit it off. If you run into trouble, there’s usually a solution. And the solution is usually to stop thinking so much about yourself and talking so much about yourself and let the other person get some airtime. Although, occasionally someone doesn’t talk enough, and that is another problem altogether. Keep in mind the troubleshooting tips and you’ll be alright.

  It
all comes down to treating a person right. Respect, honesty, authenticity, being genuinely interested in other people, and showing kindness is all it takes to become a small talk master. In this book, we have discussed many tips, tricks, acronyms, techniques, and methods. But what it really comes down to is being a good person and sharing yourself with another through words.

  You can do that.

  Everyone can.

  Now go do it.

  THE END

  Your Opinion is Important to Me

  First of all, thank you for purchasing this book. I know you could have picked any number of books to read, but you picked this book and for that I am extremely grateful.

  If you enjoyed this book and found some benefit in reading this, I’d like to hear from you and hope that you could take some time to post a review on Amazon. Your feedback really makes a difference to me.

  To leave a review just click here: Submit a Review

  I wish you all the best for your journey!

  About the Author

  Diane always considered herself an introvert, but constantly strived to break out of her shy exterior. As she grew older, she put her mind to learning how to thrive as an introvert in an extrovert world, so she could tackle her shyness and no longer fear the social situations she had grown accustomed to avoiding. This took her on a journey of studying all there was to know about communication and how it affects our everyday lives.

  After completing her course in Communication and Media Studies, she embarked on a career as a public relations specialist in a Fortune 500 company. Now, although still an introvert, she no longer fears the social encounters that once held her back from living her life to the full. In fact, she now actually looks forward to them.

  Today, she wants to share her journey to social freedom so that other people can learn to blossom in a world full of extroverts. Her desire to teach people how to become better communicators led her to write two books; an ultimate guide to mastering emotional intelligence, and an instruction manual on how to conquer small talk and become an expert conversationalist.

  In her free time, she still enjoys learning everything there is to know about language and communication, but also always enjoys spending time with her family and being outdoors.

  Leran more about Diane Weston here: amazon.com/author/dianeweston